Keep Your Butts out of my Neighborhood!

An open letter to the hospital a block away from my house: thanks so much for instituting that wonderful "no smoking on hospital grounds" policy. It's a really nice PR soundbite you can put in all your marketing materials.

But let me tell you this: while you are all sitting smugly in your offices, enjoying the fresh air and the self-righteousness of your actions, we homeowners who surround your glorious institution now have to constantly pick up cigarette butts off of our front laws. Why? Because that's where your nicotine-stained doctors and nurses saunter when they have to have that cancer stick fix.

I feel most sorry for the few houses that sit directly adjacent to the property line. Their sidewalks and lawns are packed full of butts. It's a lovely site. Almost as lovely as when a pack of your vaulted medical personnel stand around in a tight pack and slowly kill themselves, then cavalierly flick their butts onto someone else's property. Truly altruistic.

Butt out.